Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was the change gradual, or a sudden burst?
---
Friendships... There are so many ways that they change us, in little ways and in big ones. Sometimes in ways we don't even notice until long after the fact. Sometimes in ways that are blatantly obvious.

All my friendships, few of them as there have been, have changed me drastically. In junior high, they taught me about mortality, the risk of losing the things you love, of having to deal with complex medical issues. My freshman year of high school, they helped me discover facets of my sexuality, and my capacity to color outside the lines in terms of love. Later on in high school, they taught me what it really meant to be part of a family, to have people care for you unconditionally because of you, and not just because of how you might inconvenience their lives. As an adult I have learned incalculable lessons, not just about the world at large, but about myself.

In the past year... I have learned more about myself, through the eyes of my closest friends, than ever. A large number of those things were things I already knew, but for one reason or another had forgotten. And a good number of those lessons were taught by one particular friend, Jaye. He reminded me about who I was, brought me out of the shell that being sick had put me into, highlighted so many wonderful things about me... Things I hadn't seen in myself for so long. Things I didn't even realize I'd stopped seeing, that I'd lost. But he helped me find them. The feisty, flirty, ambitious, creative, strong, confident, interesting, metal/motor head that I always have been -- but that got lost under all the stresses and fuckups life dropped in my lap. As if that wasn't enough, he showed me that it was okay to let down my guard once in a while. Show that I was unhappy, that I was scared... Be less than perfect. And that I was still worthy of being needed, and wanted, as more than just a mom, or a corporate cog, or a life partner.

I don't know that I'll ever be able to say how much that means to me. Or how much of a difference it's made, having that sort of love, acceptance, and encouragement... How much of a difference it makes every day.